CHAPTER 1
BOOK 13, THE HALLOWEEN ONEISE SPELL
“I’m not wearing these, even if it is Halloween!” Alder yelled.
I bit back a giggle. “Come out and show me.”
“No. You’ll laugh.” Still, the bedroom door opened to reveal Alder in his boxers. Unfortunately for him, they were a Halloween gift from Camino. They were bright orange and sported a luminous green stalk.
I held my breath, and after an interval managed to say, “I think they’re meant to be a Halloween pumpkin.” My self-control finally gave out, and I collapsed onto the sofa, clutching my stomach and laughing hysterically.
Alder shot me a glare and disappeared, just as there was a knock on the door.
My mood changed abruptly. Every year, Marina Mercer came from Melbourne to my little town of Bayberry Creek to demand a Halloween spell from me. It all started decades ago, when Marina’s grandmother, Nama, did a favour for my grandmother, Thelma. An evil witch organised a spell to bind Thelma to the house and garden when she died—hence the house now ‘being’ my grandmother—and Nama arranged for my grandfather to be bound to the garden, to ensure my grandparents would be together in the afterlife.
In return, my grandmother promised that her descendants would always grant Nama’s descendants one spell each and every Halloween. After my aunt crossed over, the Halloween spell was left to me, and every year, I had narrowly escaped being murdered as a direct consequence of the spell.
I wondered what the spell would be this year. I was about to find out.
I opened the front door to find Marina Mercer standing next to a giant white blob. Camino had worn some strange onesies before, but I had always managed to identify them. This time, I was completely at a loss. I nodded to Marina and asked the blob, “What are you?”
“The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man,” Camino muttered, or at least that was my best guess, her words muffled as they were by the giant suit. “Didn’t the sailor cap give it away?”
“What’s that? Who?” I stood back to let them both inside. The delightful scent of the jasmine bushes by the front porch wafted in. I loved spring in Bayberry Creek.
Camino removed her onesie head. “Didn’t you see Ghostbusters? The original, I mean?”
“Years ago, when I was a kid.”
Camino waddled past me, muttering that the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was in the latest Ghostbusters movie too. The cats, Willow and Hawthorn, took fright at the sight of her and ran from the room. I resisted the urge to do the same. She tut-tutted. “The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is famous. He walked through New York.”
Marina and I exchanged glances. “Marina, would you like some tea or coffee? Wine?”
Alder appeared in the doorway, thankfully fully clothed this time. “I’ll get it.” With a curt nod at Marina, he disappeared.
“Alder always makes me feel bad for asking you to do the Halloween spell for me,” Marina lamented.
“He doesn’t object to the spells themselves as such. It’s just that they always nearly get me killed,” I explained. “And speaking of killed…” I walked over to turn off the TV. The house at once turned it back on again. “Can you at least turn down the volume?”
The house complied.
“What’s the house watching now?” Marina asked me.
“Barry,” I told her. “It’s a TV show about an assassin who wants to be an actor.”
Marina nodded. “Alder called me and we had a little chat about the yearly Halloween spell.”
This was news to me, and I said so. “I had no idea.”
Marina continued to nod. “So this year, I thought I would be altruistic. I decided not to request a spell for myself. I’ve decided to request that this year’s Halloween spell will be for Camino.”
Camino was part way through climbing out of her onesie. “That’s very kind of you,” she said. “So that’s why you wanted my book of onesies?” Without waiting for a response, she turned to Alder who had returned at that moment with a tray of tea and coffee. “Alder, do you have any Tim Tams? No? Never mind, I have to leave now anyway. I have to go to the hospital to visit a friend.”
After she left, Marina said to Alder, “I want this year’s spell to grant Camino her heart’s desire for her onesies.”
I nodded. “I know Camino wants them to have a military application, and she’s also said she might want to open a little onesie shop.”
Marina flinched as Willow jumped into her lap and stuck his claws into her leg for balance. “That’s why I want the spell to be for Camino’s heart’s desires. Maybe her conscious mind doesn’t know what she really, truly wants.”
“I suppose so,” I said doubtfully, looking at Alder.
“I don’t like the sound of it.” His voice trailed away. “I have to go to the office now.” He kissed me thoroughly before leaving.
Marina clasped her hands. “Let’s do it before Camino gets back. It will be a lovely surprise.”
“What, you want me to do it now?” I said, shocked. “I’ve had no time to prepare. Hmm, a wish-granting spell.” I tapped my chin. “I suppose I should use Road Opener Oil and Fast Luck Oil. I’ll be right back.”
I wasn’t going to allow Marina to see my altar room, so I hurried in there and fetched oils, powders, a packet of coffee, and a pen and paper. I couldn’t find my Road Opener Oil—maybe I needed to order more—so I snatched up a bottle of Blockbuster Oil instead.
“Blockbuster Oil?” Marina asked when I dumped them all on the coffee table.
I nodded. “Yes, it will blow all circumstances out of the way, so there will be nothing to prevent Camino from gaining her heart’s desires for her onesies. Since I couldn’t find my Road Opener Oil, I grabbed the Blockbuster Oil and an orange candle. I hope I’m doing the right thing. Blockbuster spells can be dramatic.”
I took Camino’s book listing the onesies she had made. I wrote her name on the piece of paper and under it wrote, ‘Grant Camino her heart’s desire for her onesies.’ I wrote the same words on another piece of paper.
I picked up the orange candle and rubbed Blockbuster Oil into it, and then made seven holes in the top of the candle before pouring in a little Blockbuster Oil.
All the while, Marina looked over my shoulder. “What are you doing now?” she asked me.
“I’m going to put the candle on the book. I’m going to set one name paper between the book and the candle. Then I will read the other name paper aloud, and then burn that name paper.” Before Marina could say anything else, I read the words aloud. I lit the candle, and then held the paper between a pair of tweezers over the flame. The paper at once burst into flames.
I was about to remark that the candle burnt nicely and quickly, a propitious sign, when Marina threw the coffee powder into the flame.
I gasped. “Why did you do that?”
Her face fell. “I was only trying to help,” she said. “You brought out the coffee powder, so I thought you were going to use it.”
I grimaced. “That will make the spell far more powerful, too powerful maybe. I fetched the coffee powder before I realized I was out of Road Opener Oil. This is a Blockbuster spell, and the coffee might make things worse. Blockbuster spells are really over the top as it is.”
Marina’s hands flew to her throat. “Oh no!”
I hurried to reassure her. “It’s no big deal, really. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure everything will be fine. Forget what I said.” I smiled widely, doing my best to be optimistic.
Marina backed away, her hands still at her throat. I thought it rather an overreaction.
That was, until I turned around.
I screamed. Walking towards me was the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Marina and I clutched each other and cowered in a corner near the fireplace as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man advanced towards us.
